KRISTIN’S CRYSTAL BALL

A running tally of Kristin’s predictions for The X-Files, by episode. Stay up-to-date with The eX-Files podcast for more prophesying!

Blue Crystal Ball Drawing
Blue Stars
Blue Line

1.01 PILOT

  • We’ll be hanging out in Bellefleur, OR for a while

  • We haven’t seen the last of the Class of ‘89

1.02 DEEP THROAT

  • Class of ‘89 somehow connected to Taylor Swift’s album 1989

  • Deep Throat & Smoking Man are in cahoots

  • Mulder has already had his memory erased once before this episode

  • Deep Throat is only going to be in one more episode 

  • Mulder has a bunk bed or lofted bed with a tiny desk underneath

  • She wants Scully to have a cat; thinks Mulder doesn’t have a dog YET but is a dog person

1.03 SQUEEZE

  • Still holding out for Bellefleur, OR

  • Tooms + liver eater …separate entities!? 

  • Tooms is a bat, Tooms is an owl, Tooms is a radioactive, liver-eating Batowl

1.04 CONDUIT

  • Samantha Mulder is alive

  • First major conflict between Scully and Mulder will be related to Samantha

  • Scully might tell the FBI that Mulder is compromised because of his personal situation at some point this season

  • Darlene, Ruby, and Kevin are going to have a great life so long as they get rid of their TV

  • Will Mulder or Scully be in church again? Probably Scully due to her cross necklace. Christian spirituality will be involved in this “truth being out here” dealio

  • 1989 (T Swift) Corner:

    • one of the songs is “out of the woods” just like the class of 89!

    • “two paper airplanes flying”

1.05 THE JERSEY DEVIL

  • Scully + Mulder will kiss each other before the season is over

  • Scully FOR SURE must have a cat… but if she does, then HOW does she keep her suits so clean from cat hair?!

  • Scully might tell the FBI that Mulder is compromised because of his personal situation at some point this season

  • Will there be another NJ ep? The crystal ball says DEFINITELY

  • Will Mulder or Scully be in church again? Probably Scully due to her cross necklace. Christian spirituality will be involved in this “truth being out here” dealio

  • 1989 (T Swift) Corner:

    • The album is just about falling in and out of love; this X-file is CLOSED!

1.06 SHADOWS

  • We’ve seen the last of Lauren Kyte

  • Scully would believe in aliens before she’d believe in ghosts (the Holy Spirit is exempt)

  • Scully drinks dirty martinis

  • Mulder just wants a beer

1.07 GHOST IN THE MACHINE

  • Deep Throat is in this episode, ie one more episode, JUST LIKE KRISTIN PREDICTED

  • Officially, Kristin believes there will be plenty more Deep Throat where that came from!

  • Scully **WILL GET** a cat

  • Mulder is not pet parent material

  • Kristin doesn’t think we will see other past work partners; but she DOES think we’ll see previous romantic partners

  • The episode ICE will be about something that’s discovered in Antarctica or in another really cold place that is frozen, like the amber in Jurassic Park, but make it ice

1.08 ICE

  • We have seen the last of the space worm! (in The X-Files, but possibly not in real life… uh oh)

1.09 SPACE

  • We will interface with NASA again

  • We will get tiny Mulder (nerdy fanboy) and tiny Scully (no ponies, no braiding, no astronaut dreams)

  • Kristin now hopes that neither Mulder nor Scully ever get a pet (they’re never home and they don’t seem to know who they are enough to have a pet, they need to do some maturing)

1.10 FALLEN ANGEL

  • LaToya inquires: “Nowadays, the theory would be Deep Throat is all in Mulder’s imagination, because Scully has never seen him. Kristin, do you think Deep Throat ever talks to Scully?” Kristin responds with a resounding NO.

  • Deep Throat is NOT the enemy, it’s really McGrath

  • Mulder and Scully will be in a situation where they think they’re gonna DIE + will then kiiiiiiiss and confess their feelings for one another

1.11 EVE

  • We’ll never see the Eves again

  • We’ll also never see any other clones

  • We will DEFINITELY see cows intersecting with the paranormal again

  • The show will eventually show us vampires… but it’s also hard to imagine they’ll ever go there if they DIDN’T go there in THIS episode

  • We will see Deep Throat again

1.12 FIRE

  • Mulder might not get to Scully by the end of the season… and Scully might lose interest!

  • The following famous actors will show up in the X-Files before they were famous: Nicole Kidman, Dwayne (The Rock) Johnson, Reginald VelJohnson, Tawny Cypress

  • The big bad of Season 1will be: …welp, the crystal ball sees no clear answer, but is seeing a lot of Deep Throat, even though the crystal ball doesn’t believe that Deep Throat IS the big bad

  • The big bad of the of the series will be… The Government (classic government!)

1.13 BEYOND THE SEA

  • Laura Zak will cross paths with Gillian Anderson (in a completely chill, non-creepy meeting-of-minds way) in the year 2027

1.14 GENDER BENDER

  • I don’t want the opening credits to change, but the crystal ball indicates they certainly will. We may see some shifting by the season 3 credits, but by season 7 there will be a VERY big shift in credits. Sadly, the words will come out of the credits (“paranormal activity,” “government denies knowledge”). The FBI badges will remain in credits for the entirety of the original run of the show.

  • In season 2, there will be a time when one or both Scully and Mulder will not be active in the FBI but will still be working together. Maybe at the end of season 1 Mulder will get booted, or Scully will get reassigned; something will happen that makes it so Scully isn’t coming to Mulder’s office every day. Also, we’ll see more interiority from both Scully AND Mulder, receive big pieces of their history, learn more about where they’re coming from and how they relate to each other.

1.15 LAZARUS

  • YES, the show will 100% confirm the existence of aliens for the audience. We’ve seen so many already! I don’t even need a crystal ball for that one.

  • YES, the show will 100% confirm the existence of aliens for Scully... but not for a long time. Side note: the crystal ball would like it if the IRL world of 2023 would confirm the existence of aliens at the exact moment that it is confirmed for Scully in our rewatch.

1.16 YOUNG AT HEART

  • We HAVE heard the last from John Barnett

  • A prediction for the next episode - “E.B.E.” stands for one of the following:

    • Extraterrestrial Bureau of Education

    • Evil Begets Evil

    • Eggs Benedict Energy

  • Fox Mulder WILL find his sister… in Season 3 or Season 4… but (somehow; the crystal ball was not specific) at an earlier time than Season 1(?!). There must be a time fold, portal, or bendy thing at play!

  • We will Scully in jeans at some point - hopefully acid wash. And definitely some kind of wild outerwear!

1.17 E.B.e.

  • On the friend/foe/something-in-between spectrum, Deep Throat is definitely feeling like “something in between.” Kristin meaningfully observes that you can believe you have good intentions, but it can still be objectively untrue.

  • We will probably go back to the aquarium, because the lighting was beautiful. 

  • The next episode, ”Miracle Man,” is about a patient in the hospital who has a sudden recovery that doctors couldn’t explain… but also, on that same day another patient at the exact same time died of his condition… which they’d never had prior. This happened back in 1966. But now it has happened AGAIN! *turn off lights and cue up slideshow*

1.18 MIRACLE MAN

  • Q: Will Samantha Mulder be wearing this red dress every time we see her? A: ABSOLUTELY RESULTS ARE CERTAIN. 

  • No one else will be added to the credits on this show!

  • SPECIAL REPORT >> Men-Writing-Women-Tropes Ongoing Prediction Series: 

    —Scully will date some jerk who may (or may not) be an alien, and refuse to believe Mulder that this jerk is bad news… until he tries to kill her.

    —Mulder will date someone Scully doesn't like - and she is right! (woman v woman trope)

    —Scully will be taken over by a succubus, becoming super flirtatious with some man (probably Mulder) who will then have to save her.

1.19 SHAPES

  • We won’t see Michael Horse again on The X-Files :( 

  • We won’t see this part of Montana again on The X-Files :( 

  • BUT there will DEFINITELY be more werewolves :D

1.20 DARKNESS FALLS

  • Q: Does Tooms get the fifth liver? A: Yes, he does. He gets it from the Smoking Man’s storage room. Or... he eats his own liver.

  • Q: Does anyone DIE in Tooms? A: (Sigh) The old man who had the newspaper clippings.

  • Q: There’s a building that plays a significant role in the finale of Tooms... WHAT IS IT? A: The Space Needle. Or maybe The White House. Does he eat the president’s liver?!

  • Q. Does Scully draw her weapon in her home in Tooms? A: Yes. Twice.

1.21 TooMS

  • Q: What’s gonna happen with Skinner moving forward? A: He’ll start as a bad guy on the show, then over time he’ll soften, probably when he accidentally kills a guy… and then he’ll come to believe Mulder’s story and THUS will QUIT THE FBI!

  • Q: Is Tooms really dead? A: YES, that man is sludge.

  • Q: Do Mulder and Scully ever go back to the mall? A: They take Scully’s niece to get her ears pierced at Claire’s!

1.22 BORN AGAIN

  • Q: Who is Queequeg? A: Queequeg is a small robot who is part of a space program and makes little jokes with Mulder and Scully (like R2D2 but on earth, and as part of NASA).

  • Q: Will we meet characters named Kristin and Jenny in the show, and what eerie similarities might they share with the pod hosts? A: YES. Kristin will have medium length brown hair and will probably have a wild theory or two. And maybe also a cat. She’s wily, no one knows what she’ll do next. Jenny will have an oddly placed S in her middle or last name, and she will love playing Skyrim. Jenny = rule follower.

1.23 ROLAND

  • [TBD]

1.24 THE ERLENMEYER FLASK

  • Mulder’s bed is… his couch.

  • Scully + Mulder will not kiss in season 2… but they will get knocked unconscious and wake up in a compromising position! 

  • Mulder will wear sweatpants for three episodes of season 2… and maybe have stubble?

  • Scully will bring food by for him and discover that he has started feeding a stray cat, leaving food out for it every night

  • Scully will have a horrible partner when she is reassigned. We will hate him, but we might have to see them KISS ONE TIME; Mulder will get so angry and complain to the cat.

  • We will meet one of the children who was injected with alien DNA in season 2.

  • Someone gay will be in the second season!! 

  • Q: How many more smug bitches will there be in the WHOLE series, and will one of them be named Elizabeth, Kristin? A: There will be seven more; they will all be eight-yea-old girls who use their powers to mess you up. Kristin will call people smug bitches 22 more times over the course of The eX-Files… and yes, one of them will be called Elizabeth.